


Infinity (We'll Win it All)

by flightlesswish



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Tragedy, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 10:59:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3247163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightlesswish/pseuds/flightlesswish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say if you divide any number with zero, you'll get infinity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Infinity (We'll Win it All)

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a repost from my LJ account.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story. I write fiction not reality.

Lu Han watches as the sun kisses the horizon, clouds floating over the twilight sky. He tries to keep his eyes open as long as he can and savors the sight.The sky is of different shades of hues today, though it’s still mainly reddish. It’s actually just a normal scene when the day is ending and the stars are starting to come out from their hiding if it weren’t for the dull color of the brown of ashes and white smokes hanging in the air in a poor imitation of fireworks and the sound of heart-piercing cries and the gunshots. 

The ground feels rough against his ragged military uniform and he feels the palm of his hands wet against his torso. He tries not to think about it and focuses on being conscious, although he can very much feel his soul is crawling slowly but steadily out of his dying body. His eyelids gradually feel heavier and heavier and each breath  _hurts_. 

 _They say the sky is the limit_ , he vaguely remembers someone say, someone terribly familiar. He closes his eyes and a boy with crescent eyes and beautiful smile is all he can see.

He wonders whether  _this_  is the limit.

 _Maybe it is a good day to die after all_ , he tells himself.  _I don’t have to say goodbye to anyone_. 

The air suddenly feels too thin. He chokes and can barely hear his dulled heart beats now and his eyes feel hot. 

 _But it’s not fair._  He wants to laugh. _Life is so_ unfair. 

He can’t feel his limbs and the rest of his body anymore. The noises around him are fading away as he takes one long shaky breath.

_You said we’re infinite, Oh Sehun. Why am I dying alone?_

 

* * *

 

Lu Han ties his shoelaces hurriedly, backpack slung loosely over his shoulders and his passport and plane ticket are clamped in between his lips. It’s seven in the morning and he has approximately two hours to catch his flight to Seoul, an hour of taxi ride from his home to the airport included. He mentally curses his broken alarm clock.

His mother hugs him after he has practically thrown his luggage into the taxi, murmuring  _I love you, be careful, don’t forget to eat and call_ , and more  _I love you_ s. She kisses his forehead and cheeks, tears falling on her wrinkled skin. Lu Han wipes her tears and promises her that he’ll live well and call regularly. His father simply pats his head and hugs his only son awkwardly. 

 _Don’t die_ , his father says in attempt to brighten the mood. Lu Han suddenly has the urge to laugh and cry at the same time.

But Seoul is waiting.

 _Freedom_  is waiting.

So he smiles.  _I won’t, dad._ He tightens his arms around his father’s waist and pretends not to notice how much his father has lost weight. 

_Promise._

 

* * *

 

Trainee life is hard, Lu Han notices after the first week in SM.

He spends most of his time in small practice rooms for trainees, dance himself till he drenches his third t-shirt of the day with sweat and sings his heart out till his throat feels sore. He reminds himself to always bow in full ninety-degrees, pushing his fear aside and pride further. When the night falls he repeats korean words like a mantra, determined to end the mocking of the korean trainees for his broken and strangely accented korean.One of those nights another chinese trainee, Zhang Yixing, would join him and give him a little piece of home.

 _I’m really tired_ , Yixing murmurs in korean one night, a bottle of water in one hand and a pill of aspirin in another. Lu Han watches him gulping down the pill, leaning his back against the cold wall. It’s one thing about Seoul that he doesn’t get to understand yet: the foreign cold feeling of everything. He remembers Beijing is so much warmer, even in the winter. 

 _Do you miss home?_  Lu Han hears himself asking. Yixing has been there for three years when Lu Han first walked in, his korean was awkward but even more was his chinese.  _That’s what you get when you’re away from home for so long_ , Yixing had said. 

Lu Han never gets his answer, the question hangs in the air and dissolves eventually as Yixing gets up from the edge of his bed and walks out of the room.   

 

* * *

 

The clock on the wall shows that it’s already eleven p.m. Lu Han puts his  _Korean for Beginners_  down and stares at the empty bed beside his. Yixing isn’t in yet. It’s certainly not the first time, but it never fails to worry him regardless. Trainees are allowed to practice until twelve a.m only - even until that late one needs a few conditions to meet - and Zhang Yixing isn’t the one to be fearful of the punishments for breaking rules. He sighs after a brief moment of silence and gets up, grabbing his jacket and his wallet then quietly exits the dorm.

The autumn night air is chilling and despite the oversized jacket he has on he still feels cold, so he hugs himself tighter and walks faster to the SM building. It’s quiet when he enters, some lights have been out and most of the employees have already finished their works for the day. It isn’t his fault that Yixing is a workaholic brat, really. He lowers his cap and proceeds to the practice room Yixing often uses.

As expected, the light is on. He can hear the music playing even before he opens the door. He sighs and opens the door carefully, eyes to his right and left as if afraid someone will appear out of nowhere and arrest him, then he quickly gets in and shuts the door behind him. 

 _Zhang Yixing I swear to God if I have to do this again I will -_  he pauses. The music has stopped playing and there is a pair of unfamiliar dark brown eyes gazing straight into his eyes.

The boy standing in front of him is a few centimeters taller than him, head tilts slightly, his plain v-neck white shirt is drenched in sweat and his hair is a jet-black of wet tangled mess. His skin is really pale as if he has never been out in the sunlight.

Lu Han feels heat rising to his cheeks.

 _Um_ , he says lamely. The boy raises an eyebrow.

And then he feels his phone buzz in his jeans’ pocket. 

 _Where are you_ , the text says in  _hanzi_ ,  _are you still practicing? I bought you snacks, Xiao Lu, c’mon it’s late_. Lu Han stares at the sender ID and a weak humorless laugh escapes his lips at Yixing’s name. The boy stares at him wryly. Lu Han scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, mentally slapping himself for not functioning properly when he has to.  _Um_ , he repeats.

Silence. Lu Han wants to crawl into a hole and disappear.

And after what Lu Han feels like an eternity, the boy laughs. The laugh is pleasant and friendly, and Lu Han finds himself laughing along. 

 _It’s Sehun. Oh Sehun_ , the boy says with a smile that turns his eyes into a pair of crescent moons.

 _Oh Sehun_ , Lu Han repeats. The name feels nice on his tongue.  _I’m Lu Han_.

Sehun repeats  _Lu Han_  and nods to himself, then soon extends his hand towards him. Lu Han hesitates for a moment but finally decides to take it anyway. 

He doesn’t regret his decision. Sehun’s hand feels so  _warm_.

 

* * *

 

Lu Han doesn’t really remember the beginning. 

Every day feels like an exhausting marathon until Sehun pushes him against the wall and kisses him senseless, sucking out every molecule of oxygen in his body. They hang onto each other desperately, nails digging into skin and teeth into lips, embedding unspoken promises of forever into flesh and bones. It’s been like that for as long as he remembers.

Sometimes they would go to the company’s rooftop, laying down on the cold tiles and have the dark skies and the stars as their roof. One of them would interlace their fingers together and they would stay like that for awhile, simply enjoying the stunning sight and each other’s presence. And sometimes, they would talk.

 _They say the sky is the limit_ , Sehun says out of the blue one of those nights as he peels his gaze off the blinking stars and fixes his eyes on Lu Han’s.  _But you make me think about infinity_.

And Lu Han thinks it’s okay, because infinity doesn’t have a beginning nor an end, it’s simply there and lasts forever. So as he mutters  _Silly_ , he kisses Sehun full on the mouth and for a moment there he thinks he just tastes infinity.

 

* * *

 

The news of an SM new group debuting comes to public after two years. It’s called EXO, and both Lu Han and Sehun are in it. A year previously, twelve of them are gathered to be told the good news.

 _Congratulations_ , one of the management staffs says,  _the twelve of you are going to debut under the name of EXO_.

There are surprised gasps and cheers. Yixing pulls Lu Han into a bone-crushing hug and Lu Han thinks he sees tears. Joonmyun’s eyes are fixed on the floor and his body trembles. In one corner, Chanyeol and Baekhyun high-five each other and soon Yifan and Zitao join them. Jongin simply smiles and leans his back against the wall, Kyungsoo crouches down and laughing beside him with Minseok and Jongdae. 

Lu Han turns to Sehun, who does exactly the same, a small smile plays on his pink lips. Lu Han doesn’t even think twice to stride across the room towards him and then pulls the younger yet taller man into his arms, tears streaming down his face. 

 _We’ve made it_.

 

* * *

 

EXO is grand stages, blinding spotlights, cheering crowds, and fame. EXO is a dream comes true. 

They sing love songs and dance until they go breathless, thousands of people screaming their names under their feet. It is when that happens does Lu Han feel alive, although his body is screaming and he can’t  _think_ , too intoxicated by fame. Then Sehun takes his hand, squeezing it gently, and smiles.  _We’re infinite, hyung._

Lu Han laughs and punches his arm playfully,  _no, we are one, we are EXO, remember the drill, Oh Sehun._  Sehun pouts.  _We sing MAMA and not Before the Dawn_.

At the backstage, Sehun steals a kiss or two. Lu Han instantly forgets everything and _soars_.

 

* * *

 

But dreams don’t last forever. 

North Korea attacks America two years after their debut.  _The third World War is starting_ , the news says,  _Pyeongyang joins forces with Beijing and Moscow while Seoul and Tokyo had stated their will to help the United States of America_.

The South Korean government orders each and every Chinese and Russian to leave South Korea that very day, and all of them get their army enlistment letters the next day - except for Yifan, who is forced to go back to Canada by his parents. 

The airport is more crowded than Lu Han remembers. There are people crying everywhere, refusing to board the plane; refusing to leave. He watches Zitao finally breaks down as the final call for the flight to Canada echoes across the airport. Yifan hugs him tightly, burying his face in Zitao’s neck as he cries silently.  _Come with me, Zitao, come with me –_

And that’s the most selfish thing Yifan has said in twenty-three years of his life.

Zitao immediately pushes him away and shakes his head violently.  _I can’t. You know I can’t. They’ll take my_ dad. But Yifan tightens his grips on the shorter’s shoulders.  _Is this it, Zitao? Is this_  – 

The manager puts a hand on Yifan’s shoulder.  _Come on, Kris. We’re running out of time. Leave._

Lu Han looks away when Yifan pulls Zitao into his arms one last time and whispers what Lu Han hear oddly similar to confessions and promises they both know they can barely keep.

Sehun is fidgeting with the fabric of his shirt in the corner, alone. His expression is blank but Lu Han’s learnt to read what every expression means by heart. He feels his stomach churns and his eyes sting as reality is slowly eating his sanity. He strides towards the younger and takes the latter’s hand.  _Come_.

Lu Han takes Sehun to an empty bathroom and locks it. He pushes Sehun against the wall and kisses him, tongue hungrily exploring every corner of the younger’s mouth. Sehun tenses but relaxes immediately as Lu Han snakes his hands to his hips, steadying him. Lu Han sighs into the kiss as Sehun starts touching him and he moves his hands up to Sehun’s dark brown locks, losing himself to his lover’s touch.

 _This isn’t the end_ , Lu Han tells him when they break for air,  _it will be over soon and I’ll come back to you._

Sehun gazes straight into his eyes, eyes glassy and his lips swollen red.  _I don’t want to fight, hyung._

There’s fear in his eyes and it suddenly dawns on Lu Han just how young Sehun is.  _What if we meet on the battlefield?_

Lu Han feels his heart lurch at the thought, but he shakes away the feeling and says firmly:  _Then I’ll protect you_.

Sehun shakes his head.  _You’ll die, hyung. We both will, for treason or whatever shit they come up with as a reason to kill us and that’ll be the end of us._

Lu Han feels a smile slowly rising from the corner of his lips.  _Didn’t you say we’re infinite?Infinity doesn’t_ end _, Sehun._

When Lu Han kisses him again Lu Han tastes tears, bu he isn’t sure to whom they belong to.

And when he departs, Lu Han doesn’t say goodbye.

 

* * *

 

The war gets worse day by day. Bombs are exploded in the state-parties’ territories, bullets are shot brutally to the enemies. Casualties are exceeding more than a thousand mark now, both civils and army men. The sharp smells of burnt flesh and blood are becoming familiar as the days pass; heartbreaking cries and determined yells become a music of horror and terror no one can mute.

Lu Han leans against a tree as he watches yet another victim being brought to one of the medic tents, moaning in pain and covered in the red of blood. Another fight has just ended, he supposes. He peels his gaze off the sight and finds Yixing standing beside him, a gun in hand. There are fresh cuts on his once flawless face.

 _I survived_. He whispers as he indulges himself to fall beside Lu Han, head lolls on the older’s shoulder. Lu Han pulls him closer.  _Who died?_

_None._

Lu Han hums quietly.  _None_  means  _none of our friends or family._

_Where’s Zitao?_

Yixing shakes his head.  _I heard he’s going next. Probably practicing._

Lu Han takes a lungful of air and closes his eyes. He’s fought his first a week previously, managed to survive by a breadth of hair. The sight of battlefield immediately traumatizes him, the sound of gunshots and bombs are louder and more real there than anywhere in the training and base camps. He watched his cousin die as he hid behind the trees, forced to be silent by his comrade who hissed  _You’ll get us killed if you scream, idiot_. 

He met Jongin on his way back to the camp. Jongin was pointing his gun at  _him_ , eyes fierce and unforgiving, bathing in the moonlight. Lu Han raised his hands in the air.  _Jongin-ah._

Jongin seemed to recognize his voice. He lowered his gun.  _Lu Han-hyung? Is that you?_

Lu Han nodded solemly.  _Let’s not kill each other tonight, shall we? I haven’t had dinner and I’m starving._

Jongin laughed, shaking his head.  _I won’t kill you even if they tell me to, hyung. If I kill you,_ Sehun _will kill_ me _._

Lu Han felt himself smiling at the name.  _Is he well?_

Jongin smiled wryly.  _He misses you a lot and keeps threatening us not to kill you whatever happens._

It’s Lu Han’s turn to laugh.  _Well tell him I love him too._  Jongin sighed and Lu Han could hear him mumbling something that oddly sounded a lot like  _lovebirds._ Lu Han walked to him and punched his arm playfully.

 _Hey! You said we’re not gonna kill each other tonight_ , Jongin protested in mocking pain. 

Lu Han laughed and pushed him away.  _Go, it’s late._

Jongin tilted his head, a small smile playing on his lips. For a moment there Lu Han was stunned at the sight, and was reminded once again of how beautiful Jongin really was.  _We’re in a_ war _, hyung. It’s never late until it’s too late._

And with that, Jongin turned on his heels and left, raising his hand in lieu of goodbye.

 

* * *

 

 _Where do you think we’d go when we die, Yixing?_ Lu Han asks one night when they’re laying on their sleeping bags in the cold tent, one day before the big war in the thirty-eight parallel. It’s been a year now and it’s getting tiring. Yixing rolls to the side so he can face Lu Han clearly.  _What, are you planning to die soon? Please don’t leave me behind._

Lu Han shrugs.  _Who knows. I’m just curious._

Yixing raises his eyebrows.  _Heaven. Hell. I don’t know. I think I’m too bad for heaven and too nice for hell, personally._  Lu Han snickers at that.

 _I really don’t know._ Yixing says, and he pauses.  _Xiao Lu?_

_Hmm?_

_Tomorrow might be the end._

Lu Han closes his eyes.  _I know_.

_They said the war is ending._

_They always say so, Yixing._

Yixing sighs.  _But I have a really strong feeling that it’s going to end soon_.

Lu Han takes a deep breath.  _I really miss Zitao._

He can see Yixing tenses.  _He’s gone, Lu Han_.

The memory of Zitao’s burial over half a year ago still makes his eyes sting.  _I know. That’s why I miss him._

 _Don’t you miss Sehun?_  Yixing asks softly. 

 _He could be dead already_ , Lu Han snaps,  _I could have been waiting for_ nothing.

 _Or_ not _, Lu Han_ , Yixing insists,  _I heard Zhou Mi ge met him the other day. He’s strong._

So Lu Han cries. Yixing comes over and hugs him, whispering consolations and promises of tomorrows that Lu Han knows Yixing himself doesn’t believe. 

 

* * *

 

The fabric of military uniform feels rough against Lu Han’s soft and pale skin.

The sun shines brightly over them, almost blinding. Lu Han stands erect, a gun in his one hand and a grenade in the other, lining for the preparation before their attack. 

Yixing was right. Their commander says it could be the final battle,  _the_ finale, that they’re going to fight till the end today.

Lu Han doesn’t believe a word he says.

The battle today will be another blood bath and peace seems to be still hundreds of miles away. The thought of everything ending today seems too good to be true.

But it is perhaps true in some aspects. For the people who die in the battle, everything instantly ends as their souls leave their bodies, regardless the win or the loss. Sometimes, Lu Han can’t help but to think that they’re lucky. They’re lucky for not having to fight another battle and feel the same horror again, that feeling of every breath take and step you make could be your last. It is a selfish thought, he admits. He’s certain that Zitao didn’t share the same thought as him, for he fought tooth and nails for his own life until the very end.

But Zitao is not here anymore.

 _I’ll see you later, Xiao Lu_ , Yixing says as he runs towards his post. Lu Han watches him disappear in the crowd, and he can’t help the pang of loneliness that comes as he realizes how alone he actually is. He carefully puts his grenade in its place on the belt over his thin waist, the heavy feeling in his chest is refusing to go away.

_Hey._

Lu Han turns around. It’s someone he doesn’t know.  _Hey_.

The man looks younger than he is, fear clear in his black eyes. He reminds Lu Han of a boy that used to hold his hand on stages all those months ago.  _You think we can win today?_  He asks nervously. Lu Han tilts his head and smiles. He takes the man’s hand in his and squeezes it gently.

 _Yeah_ , he hears himself saying. _We’ll win it all today_.

 

* * *

 

They fight for hours.

By afternoon Lu Han is running out of bullets and he has used his only grenade. There are cuts on his exposed skin and his uniform is ragged, revealing even more of his defenseless bare skin. The deafening sounds of grenades and bombs are all around him, the sources unseen yet pretty much tangible. He sees fallen men and blood everywhere from both parties, defenseless and helpless. The sight and the smokes starting to make his eyes sting. He can vaguely hear yells of encouragement from somewhere.  _Keep fighting and don’t give up_. He loads his remaining two bullets stiffly and marches forward.

Lu Han attacks blindly. As soon as he realizes it’s not one of the EXO members he just stabs the small dagger he’s brought in case he doesn’t get to fire his gun or throw his grenade. He can hear his heart beats loud in his ears, urging him to keep being alive persistently. 

Before long, at a distance he could hear another bomb being exploded. It suddenly goes eerily quiet. He stops and turns around. There’s a very thick smoke blowing out from Yixing’s post. He feels his heart skip a beat.  _Yixing_.

His head spins and he feels the earth shakes beneath his feet, making him lose his balance and fall on his knees; a drop of tear falls from the corner of his eye.

And not long after he feels himself being dragged up.  _Are you crazy – get the fuck up or you’ll get killed, they’ve blown up all the artillery posts!_

Lu Han moves his gaze and finds the man from before dragging him away from the battlefield. When he finally regains his senses, Lu Han stops and yanks his arm away, turning on his heels and starting to head towards the smokes. The man stares at him incredulously.  _What the hell, do you want to die?!_

Lu Han stops and shakes his head firmly.  _I... My friend is there. I have to go back and save him._  He points to the artillery posts direction. He sounds hysterical even to his own ears. The man strides towards him and clamps his hands on Lu Han’s shoulders, turning him so he could face him then shaking him violently.  _He’s dead. Everyone there is. Can’t you see?_

Lu Han feels hot tears starting to stream down on his dirty face. But Yixing is there.  _Yixing is there_.

The man softens his eyes.  _I’m so sorry. But there’s nothing we can do._

In all honesty Lu Han really wants to punch his face right now because of how easy for him to accept the fact that more than half of their men are probably dead by now, how much those words make sense to him; that Yixing is  _dead_ , that both Zitao and Yixing are gone and he’s really on his own now.

He doesn’t even know whether the other EXO members are still alive.

 _I don’t want to fight anymore_. Lu Han chokes.  _This is so unfair_.

Yixing was a great person and an even greater friend.

The man says nothing and looks up to the sky.  _The day’s ending soon_.

Behind the smokes the sky is turning a few shades redder. The man moves his gaze back to Lu Han.  _My name is_   _Zhang Wei_.

Lu Han recalls the conversation he had with Yixing the night previously.  _They said the war is ending_ , Yixing had said. 

 _Lu Han_ , Lu Han says simply as he drops his gun and dagger to the ground, then turns around and leaves.

Zhang Wei doesn’t chase him.

 

* * *

 

Lu Han is shot on his chest when he tries to find Sehun. He shouts Sehun’s name repeatedly, feeling fearless as adrenaline rush takes over his system. As he falls down on the harsh ground, the memories are slowly coming back to him. He vaguely remembers he hasn’t had the chance to say goodbye.

_You said we’re infinite, Oh Sehun. Why am I dying alone?_

The sight of the seemingly endless skies reminds him of infinity and the words he has said to Zhang Wei merely a few hours ago.

 _We’ll win it all today_.

 

* * *

 

The next time he opens his eyes, Lu Han is greeted by the sight of Sehun wearing a plain white shirt and a pair of dark-colored jeans, peering over him. For a second there Lu Han thinks he sees a glow of light surrounding Sehun’s familiar figure. A smug smile rises from the corner of Sehun’s lips, eyes turning into a pair of crescent moons. Lu Han blinks.

 _I thought you’d never come_ , Sehun says as he offers his hand. Lu Han mindlessly takes it and gets up.  _Well, maybe it’s better if you didn’t come, it depends on which perspective,_ Sehun adds, frowing a little. 

 _Perspective_ , Lu Han echoes dumbly. He feels incredibly light and healthy. He looks at himself and realizes that he’s no longer in his bloody and ragged military uniform.

 _Perspective._  Sehun repeats firmly as he nods,  _Yixing-hyung arrived just a few moments ago. Let’s go, the others are waiting. Zitao and Jongin especially miss you._

He leads Lu Han to a door. When the door opens, Lu Han can see familiar figures cheering for his arrival. He finds himself immediately being pulled in for a bone-crushing hug by Chanyeol and Yixing, and soon the others join them. Lu Han can’t help but to notice a missing figure amidst the little crowd, and he hugs Zitao particularly longer, because Yifan is always alive in him, even after death.

He pulls away from the crowd a while later and walks towards the man he misses the most. Sehun is smiling at him, as he always does, and pulls him into his arms just like the yesterdays. It oddly feels like he’s just come back home.

 _I guess we’re infinite now_ , Lu Han murmurs in Sehun’s warm neck. 

Sehun laughs, pulling Lu Han’s face gently and takes his lips against his. 

 _We always are, hyung_.

 

* * *

 

They say if you divide any number with zero, you’ll get infinity.

Lu Han gets bullets nested in his body and chokes blood and gets it.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you all liked it!


End file.
